Deathly Love '

I can't help but to feel ward i'm feeling right now .

a part of me is happy ,

cause im glad that you both got things patch back .

another part of me is crashing down ,

cause im disappointed that i've not been a role model for sister .

a tiny part of me is feeling weird .

i can't figure out ward that tiny part of me is feeling / thinking .

should i miss you ?

i'm so mixed up that idk ward i should feel now .

i wnna stay happy , but the saddening part is tearing me down .

i wnna be sad , but i can't even feel down when i made sad song blast through my ears .

over & over agn .

emotions waved through my heart like how tsunami crashed .

so sick . im having cramps lyk cheebye .

hopefully i'll be fine when the sun comes out tmrw .

& , i hope im able to see you tmrw ..

Mum , dear mum .

you know exactly how i hate promise breakers .

well c'mon lah , who likes them ?

& why must you be the one ?

why ?

it's not the first time you did so alr .

you can't bluff me like how you bluff sister .

im alr 15yrs old , another 2 more mths to 16 .

& to add on , i didn't even mention anything when you literally broke that promise .

i just show signs of unhappyness , can't i just do so ?

how do you expect me to act like nth happen ?

i alr tried to keep my temper down alr , so hard till it hurts me .

ward do i get in exchange ? your scoldings .

you broke your promise to me , & took it away to fufill sister's wishes .

leaving me to break down in silence .

i just didn't wanted to respond to wardever you say ,

cause i don't want my temper to lose control .

& yet you threw chairs to my face .

ward have i done wrong ?

even if im wrong , would it be worst dhen you ?

stop treating me lyk a kid who only want lollipops .

cause i know how to think , i got emotions lyk how you do .

yes , i know you want sister to have the best .

cause she's the best . in everything .

she did so well for her studies .

she stays home everyday .

she does wardever shits you command without fail .

compared to her , im just a useless nothing .

so ward ? ain't my body flowing your blood ?

ain't me who stayed in your womb for mths as well ?

well . continue being bias .

am not gnna give a damn anymore .

gnna take it as im NOT your daughter , am just a useless person who ruined yr life .

pls , don't bother anything abt me anymore .

im gnna stand strong myself .

yes , all alone .

im a strong girl right ?

yes i am !

never gnna drop any tears just bcause of you anymore , mum .

im enough , 15 years of all this shits .

im still acting like nth , sitting in the samn living room as you do ,

eating on the same dining table with you every single day ,

watching the same tv with you everyday ,

ask why ? cause i don't wnna create troubles alr .

you ain't tired of quarreling , but definately not me .

my life is alr so messed up alr .

i don't wnna create more troubles when they're alr piling up .

im sorry mummy , im sure sister is gnna take very good care of you .

i'll leave that to her .

she'll have a good job in the future , good salary & luxury life .

you'll live a good life with her .

while me , i'll be fine alone .

Jiayu is never gnna cry right !

love yourself , i don't need other to love me .